i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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