You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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