So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
