just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
