Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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