If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
