so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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