Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
