I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
