And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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