Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize