I cockslap morals
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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