If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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