Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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