Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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