Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
