Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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