Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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