Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
