duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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