I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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