Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
