There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
