Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
