I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
