Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
