I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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