I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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