yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
