I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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