No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
this is an emotional support booty call
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
