i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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