Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.