I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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