You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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