Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.