Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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