Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
