Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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