I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
