for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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