I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
