I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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