OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
