took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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