i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
