Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
