You really coming over, don't trick.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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