even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
