Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
