I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
