that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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