We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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