if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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