I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
