Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
