it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize