he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
