I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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