if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
