How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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