Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
