I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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