after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
