We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm really busy with my period
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