I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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