if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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