he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
