So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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