If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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