hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this will be a night to untag.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
