Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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