have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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