apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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