I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Say something about gay babies.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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