got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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