is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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