next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
