Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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