i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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