I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
