I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
